I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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