My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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