Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
