Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
