When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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