My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
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