I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
