the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
