fuck your aforementioned shoe
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
