Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
