I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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