I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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