he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
