maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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