I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
