p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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