yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
