Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
pray to the hookup gods
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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