Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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