so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
