Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
