Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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