we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When are your genitals available?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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