..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
