She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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