This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
you never un-have a 4some
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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