I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
