I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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