I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
