He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
