Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
