so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
