he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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