if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
