i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You smell like stripper and shame
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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