I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
