Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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