It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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