Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
