I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
