Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
