I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
