I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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