I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
