Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
