All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
If I die, sorry about rent.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
