I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
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