tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
