i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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