never play flip cup with pint glasses
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
