i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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