do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
