She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
